the walk of shame

For some naivety works in their favor. What they don't know... works in their favor. Not for me.

When I was 16 years old me and my friends would go volunteer at a children's ministry in the projects of Crestview, Florida. There would be about 10 kid each week.

Back then I would get grandiose ministry ideas. And I began to think what if I started my own children's ministry in white, middle-class suburbia. I imagined hundreds of kids coming over to my house for the children's ministry. I imagined local church leaders wanting my expertise, "HOW DID YOU DO IT?"

In writing this I feel for myself. I think poor guy.

Ministry name... check.
Flyers... check.
Cards... check.

Next up was to hand out the flyers to the neighborhood. I was going to go door to door.

I am pretty sure I prayed. I was anxious. I didn't want to do it. But God was calling me to do it. I think.

I got to the first door. Introduced myself. Probably stuttering in a high pitch voice, "I am starting a ministry next door... send your children... that don't  know me... over to my house... for a bible lesson..."

I like any parent would say, "Thanks but no thanks...I teach my kids the Bible." That is what the person said. My heart sank. I was rejected at the first house. I couldn't dare go to the next house.

I took the walk of shame. I just went home. Through away the flyers.

I felt embarrassed. Shamed. Stupid. I should have known.

Now I am getting ready to start a church. Start a church! I don't have any flyers... yet. No name... yet. But what I do have is this voice that keeps me reminding me of the time I failed. The time I gave up that stupid idea. This voice tells me I can't do it. It tells me to take a safer route.