The desire to be the popular one that everyone talks about never goes away. "Have you seen so and so's exploding ministry?"
Colleagues drop names and kiss ass.
We all want to be "that guy." And I pretend that I don't want to be that guy... but I want to be the cool kid. Secretly I want to be the one everyone talks about... and I hate this part of myself.
So often the work of clergy go unrecognized not just by parishioners but by the high leadership of the church. We save face and always try to make our lives and ministry look shiny and spectacular. We throw around people like they are just another number. So and so took a church from 50 to 200 people.
And I get caught up in this all the time. It is probably why I get so depressed when I spend time around other clergies. Because I am reminded of my own desire to be the cool kid. And maybe my cool kid friends on the other side have given up the fight. They have sought the accolades and it worked.
"In the Name of Jesus" by Henri Nouwen is one of those books that I read over and over again. He spends a lot of time talking about the upward climb that we all do including clergy. We seek our affirmation in people and things and not in the love of God. Even Jesus was susceptible to this temptation as well. In Christ, we recognize that our lives are not built upon accolades but all the sustaining love of Christ. I don't need anything more. I don't need to nor ever will need to be the cool kid.
Just this past evening I had the privilege to introduce my congregation to the work of Henri Nouwen and to his concept of the wounded healer. We talked about how our wounds make us more sensitive and caring towards others. And our wounds that can be so painful at a point in our lives can be a healing balm for others later in our journey.
After the bible study, a gentleman came up to me.... and got close. He said, "You know... I never believed I was a child of God my whole life until... you told me that I was. You are my wounded healer..."
For me, it was a powerful affirmation that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing. Other kids can be cool...
