the walk of shame

For some naivety works in their favor. What they don't know... works in their favor. Not for me.

When I was 16 years old me and my friends would go volunteer at a children's ministry in the projects of Crestview, Florida. There would be about 10 kid each week.

Back then I would get grandiose ministry ideas. And I began to think what if I started my own children's ministry in white, middle-class suburbia. I imagined hundreds of kids coming over to my house for the children's ministry. I imagined local church leaders wanting my expertise, "HOW DID YOU DO IT?"

In writing this I feel for myself. I think poor guy.

Ministry name... check.
Flyers... check.
Cards... check.

Next up was to hand out the flyers to the neighborhood. I was going to go door to door.

I am pretty sure I prayed. I was anxious. I didn't want to do it. But God was calling me to do it. I think.

I got to the first door. Introduced myself. Probably stuttering in a high pitch voice, "I am starting a ministry next door... send your children... that don't  know me... over to my house... for a bible lesson..."

I like any parent would say, "Thanks but no thanks...I teach my kids the Bible." That is what the person said. My heart sank. I was rejected at the first house. I couldn't dare go to the next house.

I took the walk of shame. I just went home. Through away the flyers.

I felt embarrassed. Shamed. Stupid. I should have known.

Now I am getting ready to start a church. Start a church! I don't have any flyers... yet. No name... yet. But what I do have is this voice that keeps me reminding me of the time I failed. The time I gave up that stupid idea. This voice tells me I can't do it. It tells me to take a safer route.

AMEN

I am keenly aware of who I am as a pastor. I feel like I have a good read on helping people on their journey to follow Christ. But I wasn't so sure how this whole pastor thing would pan out with being a parent. And I am still not sure. 

How was I going to teach my daughter to pray? How was she going to learn about God? 

Unlike most people sitting in the pews, I knew that my kids will most likely shine a huge spot lite on me. Not as a pastor but as a father. They more than anyone will seek in one way or another to mimic their parents. 

And then one day it happened. We were reading at night and I just asked my daughter if she would like to pray. She puts her hands together. What? I didn't teach you that... and not necessary but whatever... and bows her head. 

And we practice praying and giving thanks for others. Simple words that she repeats after me. And then we said the Lord's prayer. Repeating my lines in jibberish as if she knows the "song" already. 

And then at the end with a very loud, passionate AMEN. What a word to end the day with... so be it... a beautiful exhale for all the great things God has done. 

I couldn't be a more proud parent. Now, most Sunday's my daughter doesn't care about the so-called barrier between the pastor and the church. She comes right up and grabs my legs. People asked me if I am distracted. How could I be?

I so grateful that I don't have to stand all alone up here. Even more, I have my daughter to stand with me. 

In fact... that is what discipleship is... it is just walking together. Figuring this whole life thing out. 

And all along the journey continuing to embrace the AMENs.