"God's got this"

Today my wife is 28 weeks and four days pregnant. Eight weeks ago at her 20-week appointment, we were told that she had a partial placenta previa, a part of her placenta was covering the cervix. Not a huge concern because it usually corrects itself. Fast forward eight weeks. My wife and I were getting ready for bed. My wife went to the restroom before getting in bed. She comes in and tells me that she is bleeding. I told her to call the hospital and we will go from there. The hospital said that we should go ahead and come in. We weren't ready for anything. No prepared bags. No plans for our daughter. We packed up the car and went. 

They admitted her immediately to the hospital. We were nervous that this could be it. The baby might be born now. But everything cleared up fast and they kept her in the hospital for a few days. 

We found out while we were there that she didn't have a partial previa but a full previa. This meant that she would have a c-section and that she might have other occasions of bleeding. 

The following day we were both sitting in the hospital together watching television. I received a text from a parishioner showing concern for my wife and encouragement that said, "God's got this." 

My first thought was who told you? Who let the news out? As a pastor... I have always tried to be private and keep my concerns to myself. I did this out of maintaining "healthy" boundaries. This is the kind of stuff they taught me in seminary. In some ways, it messed me up. 

Because what this experience has taught me is that my church loves, supports, and cares for my family. And when my family is facing a trial they want to uphold us. If I maintain so-called "healthy" boundaries I miss out on this gift of grace. 

In a way for a brief moment, they became my pastor. Reminding me in the midst of my own struggles that God was with my family. Tears welled up in my eyes. Tears of gratitude. My wife asked me what I was reading (I hate tearing up...)... I lied..."Oh, nothing...". What I should have said... in the midst of bad news... the church became some good news for us!

I thought your sermon was good... BUT

This past Sunday I preached a sermon that first of all... I didn't even like. After preaching I felt icky. I felt that I didn't have enough time to prepare. I didn't sense people were engaged. And I felt that I was all over the place. Whether it is true or not... I don't know... but that is how it felt.

Like most Sunday's I follow the acolyte out and greet people as they exit the church. I make small talk with people as they leave.  In this short moment as people were leaving a lot happens. It is the moment that I hear from the people. It is their turn to talk.  "How was your week? Not good.. this was the one year anniversary of my husband's death..." It becomes a time to offer pastoral care and catch up with folks.

It is also a time for reflection about the sermon. There are Sundays that folks tell me, "you hit it out of the park... or that one went straight to my heart... or good sermon preacher." I appreciate those words. They build me up. The affirmations are great because in less than an hour after I hear those words I am preaching yet again at another church.

Then there are the comments or the critiques. These comments always welcome a conversation but they are always said in jest because a conversation just might challenge what is about to come out of their mouths.

A gentleman, a patriarch in the church and community comes up to me after the service. He puts his arm around me and said, "I thought your sermon was really great, BUT I think it would be even better if you would quit talking to the congregation and stand behind the pulpit. You know you are always talking about change... so you know maybe... you should change."

Side note I preach at the level of the congregation and not behind the pulpit. And I also ask the congregation questions while I preach.

It was the last part that got me. The manipulative part. So often critiques are framed from the perspective of the one giving the critique. It is what they desire. Typically doesn't have me in mind at all. Weeks previously I challenged the congregation to make changes, goals in their lives. My commitment to them was that I was doing the same.

Yet he took a word I preached and twisted it around to fit what he desired.

The way I preach isn't unhealthy at all. It is who I am. And I am sure not telling the congregation to change who they are...

I don't say any of this of course to him. I just say thank you for your feedback... I appreciate your willingness to tell me. But I wanted to say more but I couldn't... I just went on to the next church.

Following worship, a 96-year-old woman (who never compliments my sermons) trying so hard to just hold on to her walker reached her arm over to grab me. She looked at me and said, "That was a good sermon..." Okay... I will hold on to those words...

We never talked about it...

I've sat with many grieving family members. Their grief is so real, raw, and unique. In the midst of immense grief, very difficult decisions have to be made. Decisions need to be made about arrangements. Part of my role as a clergyperson is to help navigate and teach the family the significance of what we will do during in a Funeral service.

I begin by asking, "Did you talk about it?" The response, "No, we never talked about it..." "Do you know hymns that he/she loved to sing?" "No. Preacher you pick them." "How about scriptures?" ... you get the gist.

I remember a few years ago asking some "young at heart" folks if they ever have thought about "death and dying." It was just silence. Everyone I could sense wanted to move on to happier subjects.

I agree talking about death is awkward and weird. I would never recommend talking about it every day... that would be depressing. But acting like death is not imminent in our lives and that we are immortal is also strange.

So what should we talk about when we have this conversation... and just to note... this doesn't have to be a "death" conversation... these things are just good to know in general about the people we love...
1. What hymns or songs have been of value to you on your journey? ("all of them" is not an appropriate answer!)
2. What scriptures have journeyed with you, inspired you, lifted you?
3. Holy Communion... I have never had someone say to me lets have Holy Communion at a Funeral... but it is actually very appropriate and something worth talking about. We believe that when we partake of the sacrament of Holy Communion that our hearts are united with God and the communion of Saints (for which your loved one now belongs)... so it only seems right that we might dine and feast together with Christ and our loved ones.

I believe if some discussion is made around these three areas when that day comes... believe me... it will be a glorious celebration of life. Because you can be confident and celebrate how God worked and sustained one's life here on this earth and have full confidence that they are now in the full embrace of God.